Christine

Christine’s Crushes: Christine has had a long, distant, and somewhat random relationship with a number of current and past F1 drivers. Over the course of her podcasting and F1 web career, she has shown and professed a fondness for many drivers. Here are but a few examples:

• Franck Montagny – The most well know and famous of Christine’s crushes. It even inspired her to set up the website iheartfranck.com (now defunct). Even though the Frenchman is now driving in the American LeMans Series, Christine’s fire for the man still burns. Upon hearing from a Sidepodcaster that Franck enjoyed chocolate ice cream, she nearly collapsed into a small ball.
• No word yet if Franck has filed a restraining order.
• Sébastian Bourdais – It was obvious from the first race in Australia that Christine has a special place for him. Even though he failed to score any points in Fantasy Racers, Christine continued to pick him. It is at this point where the whole of Sidepodcast realized that Christine just loves underachieving Frenchmen for some reason.
• Jenson Button – Christine, like 43.73% of British women, like Jenson Button… even with his weak attempt at a beard. (Note: not so much anymore – Christine)
• Lucas di Grassi – Yum.
• Crying Drivers (allegedly) – Though not Massa or Schuey Snr. Mika Hakkinen seems the winner after inadvertently awarding a point for the mentioning of his name during Sidepodpanel Ep. 3.

Christine’s Naughty List:

• Christian Klien – For ruining Montagny’s 2008 Le Mans race.
• Giancarlo Fisichella – For saying that he’d never let his daughter race, because she’s a girl.
• Jarno Trulli – For knocking Bourdais off track in rude fashion at Brazil 08. (Also for being quite difficult to transcribe.)

Things Christine doesn’t know about:

• Monty Python
• Dad’s Army
• Blackadder
• The Goons and and other classic British comedy it seems.
• Kris Kross

Things Christine does know about: Who’s On First

Animals Christine would like to own:

• Baby panda
• Marmot
• Otter (just to check the phrase “as wet as an otter’s pocket”)
• Piglet
• Ocelot
• Penguin

Chris Evans (un)compliments to Christine:

• Regarding the first lap video: “Wow, you look about 12!” Attempt to rectify: “No, I didn’t….. I’m sure if you…. look at…… when….. with the…… No, you’re right, no compliments there.”
• Regarding the Felipe Baby song: “She can sing too? Whodathinkit?!”
• Attempt to rectify: “That came out wrong. What I meant to say was, is there no end to her talents?”

Selected taglines from Sidepodcast Videos:

• The 1st Lady of podcasting
• Button’s bit on the side
• Would rather see racing at Long Beach
• She’s shorter in real life
• Franck Montagny’s biggest fan
• A big fan of lederhosen
• She’s seen a million faces… and rocked them all
• Hondamentalist
• She’s the one on the right
• Turkish Delight
• Taller than Jean Todt
• Live and Kicking
• Racing? What Racing?
• River Deep, Mountain High
• Also visible from Outer Space
• Drinks more champagne than Kimi
• Available on YouTube, long before Her Majesty
• Not an F1 Mug
• Backing Button for the Title
• Backing Bourdais for the title!
• Could do a better job than Massa
• Thinking of purchasing Super Aguri
• Trying to get herself into the “acting” zone
• Knows how to look after her tyres
• Refusing to speak French this year
• Knows a red light spells danger
• We let her out sometimes
• Shallower than Lake Balaton
• F1’s street fighter
• Backing Kimi for a comeback
• They’ll be racing way past her bedtime
• Can’t see the peak for the fog
• Don’t push too far
• Not your average Brazil nut
• More indecisive than the FIA

Sidepodcast Racers:

Sidepodcast Racers is Christine’s Fantasy Racers team, who are notably awful.

They have been referred to as the benchmark for low scoring. (Charming!)

Christine chooses her driver lineup by very unscientific methods though. Initially it was drivers she liked (Button, Bourdais), but they didn’t do very well. In an attempt to bring those she didn’t like bad luck, she switched to just a couple of drivers. That didn’t work either.

Now it is random systems all the way, including drivers at the bottom of the championship, or all the Germans, or anyone who’s surname falls within the A-C bracket.

No wonder she has yet to break into the 100s in the league.

Mr C

Some say…

• Scott Woodwiss – ‘Some say he wrestles lions on Thursdays, and that’s he’s the one who taught Fernando Alonso how to bring 0.6 seconds to a team. All we know is, he’s called “Me”.’
• Michael Roberts – ‘some people say he lives on the moon and only eats mushrooms, all we know is that he’s called me’Although sorry Michael we do know Me doesn’t really like mushrooms!
• Giggles – ‘Some say he writes comments in a single bound and he spends the rest of his time selotapeing his wife’s feet to the floor. All we know is he’s called “Me”.’
• Dom – ‘Some say he can communicate with owls, and the reason he can’t pronounce Stefano Domenicali is because he swallowed a cog. All we know is he’s called “Me”.’
• Dan Brunell – ‘Some say that he is invisible to speed cameras and he makes pea soup out of carrots and baked potato skins. All we know is he’s called “Me.”’
• R.G – ‘Some say he is an absolute muppet for not realising you cannot delete images from the wiki, and he is in fact, The Mayor of Cheshire. All we know, is he’s calle “Me”‘.
• Bassano Clapper – ‘Some say that he can reduce any member of the live commenters to fits of childish laughter with the power of his mind, fuelled only by a mysterious energy drink possibly from the Tuscan region. All we know is, he’s called “Me”.’
• Andy Taylor – ‘Some say that even his mother doesn’t know his real name. All we know is she calls him “Me”.’
• Shaun – ‘Some say he can look you in the eye at the Silverstone GP – even shake hands with you! and even speak to you whilst you are being interviewed by Mrs Christine…but afterwards you realize, he was just a figment of your imagination. All we really know, is : he’s called “Me”.’
• Lukeh – ‘Mr C’s real name is banned from being spoken in 96 countries.’

Mr C’s Crushes:

Although he does not like to admit it, he has little crushes.

• Vicky Butler Henderson
• Claire Williams
• Lee McKenzie
• Rob Smedley
• Ted Kravitz
• Leo Laporte
• David Croft
• Cogs

Panda

Called: Jia-Tou

Not Called: Carlos

Read about the adoption here.

Interesting fact about Panda: Is the namesake of the American restaurant chain Panda express, however they do not serve Panda. They are currently in a lawsuit for false advertising.

Masquerades each week in chameleon like fashion

Previously as:

• A pole dancer
• King Kong
• A traditional russian dancer

Has an unusual relationship with the Michelin Man Bibendum

Bibendum

Bibendum used to be the sole mascot of any live sidepodcast show and had pride of place dangling from Christine’s microphone. However his career is on the wane having been usurped by the panda and like Rubens Barrichello Bibendum is hanging on to his position by the skin of his teeth hoping that some shiny new mascot with a famous uncle won’t take his position.

Bibendum used to tower over the F1 tracks of the world. In the days when Michelin supplied tyres to some of the top teams Bibendum was 50 feet high and had pride of place in F1. Now his glorious future is behind him and he is now reduced to playing second fiddle to a baby panda with a bad attitude.