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Christmas in the Paddock - 2012 edition - What presents will our F1 favourites be giving each other this festive season?

Published by Lukeh

Ho ho ho! It's that Christmassy time of the year again where we all spend a silly amount all in the name of festive joy and sock disappointment, it's Christmas time folks! As always I'm here to share with you what I feel our heroes and villains of the paddock will be giving each other this Christmas time, fresh from my post last year looking at the presents in the paddock. So, without further ado, with a brief festive pantomime to get us going, let's see what presents the paddock has in store this year!

F1 Aladdin, with Maldonado and Jordan
Credit: Lukeh

Kamui Kobayashi

Kamui Kobayashi gaming chair
Credit: Lukeh

Present: A gaming chair to support his racing

I feel for Kamui Kobayashi and to be honest I really like the bloke. He seems a nice old chap and he's done well in F1, so it's a shame to see him really trying his hardest to fund a seat for 2013 which he has ultimately conceded defeat in achieving. Therefore, to make up for all his hard work and to practice for 2014, I've decided the best present for our favourite Japanese driver (sorry Taki) is to buy lovable Kamui a gaming racing chair to finally fund that seat he's been working so hard to buy himself.

Don't worry Kamui, all that hard work you put into raising money can go towards that very kind offer you recently may have received from a mysterious Mr Stefanovich! Don't listen to what anyone else thinks, his cars are definitely invisible like he says.

Nico Rosberg

Nico Rosberg invisibility cloak
Credit: Lukeh

Present: An Invisibility cloak for his growing invisibility

The excellent thing about buying Nico Rosberg an invisibility cloak for Christmas is the fact that now he can have a proper excuse for being strangely absent since his victory in China! Sure, we can all blame a silly old car being a bit of a numpty but next season, if it decides to carry on, now he can hide his blushes by running about the paddock hiding from everyone!

Although we must remember that Nick Heidfeld once very smartly told us that there is no fun in Germany, therefore, this present is definitely not an item of leisure and fun. No, sirree. This is a defense mechanism from the media of course, and definitely not a whole hoot of fun for Formula 1's best Leo di Caprio impersonator. Hey, who knows, maybe the Mercedes will be remarkable next year and he'll not need it? Or maybe he'll just sneak his way into a really good car using it and Kimi won't even realise someone is driving his car because he knows what he's doing. Nico, this one could be your making!

Martin Whitmarsh

Jenson Button memorabilia
Credit: Lukeh

Present: Jenson Button memorabilia because Jenson Button.

There's been so much going on in 2012 that you might have missed Martin Whitmarsh's ever growing mancrush on Jenson Button. Now we can celebrate the holidays by giving Martin everything he could've ever wished for with a whole room's worth of Jenson Button memorabilia! Yes, with Lewis leaving Martin could finally focus his entire attention on displaying his mancrushability with his no. 1 driver for the team and, deep down inside, in life too.

His mancrush has evolved to levels that Nick Fry's previous Jenson mancrush couldn't touch. The sheer levels of love coming from Martin for his stubbley west-country mate have wiped Fry off the charts. JB's gone about his business in 2012 and done a good job for Mclaren, but this Christmas Martin Whitmarsh can enjoy the fact that he now can finally have that cardboard cutout you'd see in a Santander shop window. Or he could just pop down to Woking I suppose.

Pedro De la Rosa

Present: A Delorean for his lack of aging

A Delorean for Pedro de la Rosa
Credit: Lukeh

Ahhh, good old Pedro. The man's a bit of a legend in some ways, constantly coming back into F1 in different teams, but you must remember that this is a man who never ages. Seriously, he's looked trim and on the ball for the last ten years or so with his swish Spanish stylings! Therefore it's only right that, to support what is clearly some kind of wibbly wobbly messing about with time as we know it, we give to him this Christmas the Pedro De Lo Rean so he too can travel through time constantly looking swish and smart despite what must be advancing years in his career.

Thanks to the De Lo Rean, he can just travel back and forth in time constantly being the King of Spain and not aging a day in the process yet still only popping up randomly from team to team. Michael J Fox too similarly doesn't seem to age despite growing years on his age so we can only assume that the Pedro De Lo Rean will do the man wonders in F1! Merry Christmas, Pedro!

Michael Schumacher

Present: A bus pass because he's retired (again)

A bus pass for Michael Schumacher
Credit: Lukeh

Michael's final, final farewell is bittersweet for some (Yep!) but let us see Michael retire with a bit of grace and dignity that he never offered opponents by offering him a fantastic bus pass so now he too can get from one end of the paddock to the other without even having to move a foot. Bernie Ecclestone has already seen great use of the paddock bus; when asked about it and how good it was, he replied 'Lewis Hamilton'. Oh you, Bernie!

That kind of praise and response from someone so high up in F1 shows that this is the perfect Christmas present for Schumi when he wants to go down and threaten DC again in their bingo games I'm sure they'll start taking up. Or, perhaps, if he wants to go and convince others that he has definitely not been Ralf in disguise any time recently. More importantly, this Christmas time it'll allow the seven time world champion to get from one side of his trophy cabinet to the other!

Helmut Marko and Christian Horner

Present: Red Bull Monopoly because of Red Bull's monopoly

Red Bull's F1 Monopoly
Red Bull Monopoly (tap to view larger)Credit: Lukeh

These days, Red Bull seem to be involved with everything; Red Bull Ring, Red Bull Space Jam, Red Bull Crashed Ice, Red Bull Romain Grosjean, Red Bull Red Bull, the list is just incredible. So, with this ever increasing monopoly on seemingly wanting to sponsor absolutely everything, to show how much they absolutely love Red Bull we give Helmut Marko and Christian Horner the limited edition Red Bull Monopoly!

This Christmas, when not appearing on the BBC, Christian Horner can now make sure that he ignores all common sense by not passing Go on Red Bull Monopoly but instead explaining something about Sebastian. Furthermore, the Red Bull Monopoly has been aerodynamically researched and developed by Adrian Newey to ensure when Dr Helmut and Christian take control of everything through the Red Bull empire, they can do it fast and with plenty of money. At this rate, they'll be jumping out of space or something next, those silly Red Bulls!

So that's Christmas in the paddock for 2012 but don't think it stops there! What would you give someone in F1 this Christmas? The comments below are perfect for your ideas and I'd love to hear what you have to offer. Perhaps it could be an 8 Ball for Bernie Ecclestone so he can think of new responses to questions based on what the 8 Ball says? Or perhaps a bale of bubble wrap for Romain Grosjean now he's been confirmed for 2013 to keep him and others safe?

Maybe this Christmas you would buy Kimi Räikkönen nothing because he knows what he's doing, he doesn't need you to tell him what to do? Whatever your ideas may be, Christmas is a time of joy, presents and After Eights so let's all get involved and share our Christmas ideas for the F1 paddock!