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• Download jordanspeech.mp3

After nine exhausting months of relentless planning and scheming, after many incredibly late nights spent incessantly berating the competition, a winner was declared in Brazil. A champion worthy of the name, a person who can stand up and say "I fought with the best, and came out the victor".

Yes, shortly after the dramatic conclusion to the season last weekend, Jordan Allen was declared the 2008 winner of the Sidepodcast Fantasy Racers League. Not only did the man beat 163 other competitors fair and square (without the need for a stewards inquiry or any FIA intervention), he also helped secure the trophy for the most successful private league against some fierce competition from members of the Autosport forums.

Earlier last week we asked Jordan to pen a few words to let us know how he was feeling, but the man went one better and recorded a speech for us. Therefore, without further ado, allow us to present an Oscar winning performance from the fastest racer in town, take it away Mr. Jordan Allen:

That speech in full

I was about to start my speech with "Friends, Countrymen, Earthlings - lend me your ears", but then I realised that I would have freshly harvested corn thrown at me.

I am bitter-sweet about the Brazilian Grand Prix. I am not too impressed with Glock since he was in a position to affect the championship no matter what he did, and I wished he did it by a more positive fashion from his point of view and tried to defend his position. Glock let Toyota and myself down by not defending against Vettel or Hamilton.

Congratulations go out to those who managed to secure themselves temporary membership to the "Group of Five" club. The list is long but distinguished. But there is even a more elitist club, the Sidepodcast League's Top Scorer of the Race club, so everyone bug myself or Alianora, or G.R. or I think Alan Wolfe for the key to the room. There's a nice bar and snooker table... but God, you Brits need to bring a refrigerator or an icebox so there's a chance the beer can be kept cold. It's basically a sacrilege to us foreigners that the beer is not kept cold.

With regards to the outright winner of the Sidepodcast league? While I was in first place during the competition, I was being chased by tons of very beautiful lassies. It was unreal. I would have stopped and waited for them to catch up but I noticed their husbands and boyfriends also closing in, and so the chase resumed.

After Brazil, imagine my let down to realize that I was no longer being chased by anyone. Nor was I, but rather the trophy, the object of this pursuit.

And finally, on behalf of myself, Dan Cross, and all the other members of the Sidepodcast family, we like to present to you, Christine, and "me", this trophy for the most successful league of 2008, in recognition of all the hard work and the amount of free time, holidays and nights lost while maintaining this web site.

To butcher the speech of a far greater man than I will ever be, way back when Sidepodcast was just an idea in the back of your heads, you had nothing to offer us but "blood, toil, tears, and sweet". We have seen the excellent results without the use of blood. And for this we declare: "Never, in the field of podcasting, has so much been owed by so many, to so few."

Hopefully this trophy will at least, pay the interest.

Bye for now, have a nice day and I'm still somewhere between Nassau and Miami. See ya soon.

Jordan